What's Wrong?

I think Google is struggling to keep their time-stamps functioning. Clearly, it has not been 10 months since I last posted... :). I wanted to post and check in to see what was going on out there. Also, beyond picking back up and posting more consistently... I'm working on possibly reviewing some books as I read them right here on this blog. Stay tuned...

Authentic Self vs. Co-dependent Self

As promised, here is a list comparing the "Authentic Self" to the "Co-dependent Self." I think if we're honest, we all have co-dependent tendencies at times. I just wanted to share this because it was a definite eye-opener for me. Emotionally, we're all jacked. Even those of us whose exterior seems to be generally healthy emotionally will at times manipulate our surroundings and/or the people around us to make ourselves feel accepted, needed and loved. Check out the list and let me know what you think:

Authentic Self Co-dependent Self

Genuine False, mask

Spontaneous Plans and plods

Expansive, loving Contracting, fearful

Giving, communicating Withholding

Accepting of self and others Envious, critical, idealized, perfectionistic

Compassionate Other focused, conforming

Feels feelings Denies or hides feelings

Loves unconditionally Loves conditionally

Assertive Aggressive and or passive

Intuitive Rational or logical

Ability to be child-like Is childish

Needs to play and have fun Avoids fun

Vulnerable Pretends to be strong

Trusting Distrusting

Surrenders Controls, withdraws

Co-dependency

Well, crap! According to my working definition of co-dependency, I thought I had it pretty much figured out who was and who wasn't co-dependent. As it turns out, the definition I had going was extremely broad and elementary. My thought was that people who weren't happy unless another spineless individual met every waking, neurotic need were co-dependent.

This is generally true, but I heard a talk today that shone a painful light on a much more inclusive definition of co-dependency. I really didn't like it all that much. It's not easy to come to grips with the idea that you're co-dependent... or at least that you can exhibit characteristics of a co-dependent person. There's a list comparing the "Authentic Self" versus the "Co-dependent Self." Make sure to re-visit this blog in the next few days to view the list and realize that you, too, have co-dependent tendencies.

Human Insecurity

What is it about us humans that makes us so insecure? If you would allow me to pontificate, I think the biggest reason is because we all desire to be accepted. The purest form of this desire was created by God. We were created to long for relationship with God and His creation. We long for acceptance. That longing was "bastardized" by sin. The longing remained but became a neurotic crutch for our very existence. Somewhere along the way we began to view this desire for acceptance as the end regardless of the means.

Huh? Believe it or not, I had a comical tone in mind for this post. Not sure where that first paragraph came from... just kinda came out! I was going to touch on some recent experiences I've had with people who love hearing themselves talk... love hearing themselves sound smart. I think it all comes back to the idea of being accepted. If I can sound brilliant, people will be in awe and love me and accept me. I think I'll leave the comedy for another post.

Back to acceptance... bottom line is the desire to be loved and accepted is God-designed. We long to be accepted, but the amazing reality is that God accepts us! He loves us! Regardless of the masks we wear because we think that's what He wants... or what the people in our lives want. Sure, it's a great feeling to be accepted by people, but the "empty" feeling will remain until we can truly grasp the concept that God accepts us and loves us as we are. Once we grasp that idea, the possibilities of what life can be are limitless!!!

Upgrade to the 21st Century

What? February 12th? A month since I last posted? My apologies to the three of you who read this and have been awaiting a new post with unbridled anxiety... right.

Well, I sat here for a while trying to come up with a brilliant excuse and here's what I came up with. One, our home computer has succumbed to the latest barrage of viruses. So, our internet capabilities at home have been debilitated for a while now. Two, I don't feel right about posting to my blog from work. As you can see, my options for sitting down to post to my blog have been EXTREMELY limited. I hope you can get past it.

However, Jineen and I have taken a step into the 21st century. We now each have a lap top. We contemplated buying a Mac. Mac's have tons of upside, but there is one downside to that idea for us. We would only be able to buy one at this point. Then, when I needed to take it with me, Jineen would be without a computer for the day. So, we each got one of the new Dell Mini's. Love it so far!!! All I really need at this point is internet and some form of word processing. Perfect! My point is I really hope I'm able to be a little more consistent with my blog now that I have a computer that works... and, on top of that, it's a lap top so I can take my lunch break at one of the many joints around town offering free WiFi. So, be on the lookout!

Ha... sorry... I just realized the previous paragraph sounds like a filmstrip from the 50's explaining the latest technology. I love filmstrips.

Awareness

"Awareness" has become kind of a post-modern term. Being aware of your psychological make-up... being aware of the needs around you... however, there are still a LOT of people out there needing a lesson in awareness.

There's a guy I work with who has absolutely no social awareness. This has happened on several occasions, but it just happened again this morning so it's on my mind. We have staff meeting every Monday morning with all 300+ employees. If you come in late, it's always a little awkward because it's quiet except for whomever has the floor - typically our president. So, he comes in today about 10 minutes late. He plops down in the back row - I'm about 3 rows up and can clearly hear every move he makes - and lets out this huge, congested sigh. About 75% of the people within my sight-line turned. Then, he attempts to get out of his huge Mossy Oak look-alike jacket completely taking out the nice ladies he has crammed himself between.

Just as you're thinking, "Thank God... he's settled," he pulls out breakfast. After obnoxiously unwrapping his gas station sausage biscuit, he begins eating... mouth closed, breathing through is nose with a whistle in one nostril and an obstruction in the other. Very pleasant!

After the initial feelings of disgust and nausea, it hit me that he just really did not have a clue of the ruckus he was creating. Completely unaware! I know you know people like this!

I Just Got CC'ed

My brother-in-law is planting a church up in the Williamsville area of Buffalo call theWell. He sends out periodic e-mails to friends and family. He does this for a couple reasons: one, to keep everyone informed... two, to get feedback and opinions on different ideas along the way. I got one today asking for opinions on a piece he's putting together. I was looking it over and realized I was on the "Cc:" list not the "To:" list. This bothered me.

"Cc:" to me means "you're not the one this e-mail was really intended for, but I want you to be able to see what the big boys are doing." It got me wondering if I needed to purchase the VIP or Platinum plan to be upgraded to the "To:" list, and that would buy me the right to give my input.

So, I replied to my brother-in-law (which I thought might get me in trouble because I was replying from the "Cc:" list). I gave him my opinion and asked what it took to get on the "To:" list. He asked me a few more detailed questions about the piece and said if I answered them he'd upgrade me. Easy enough. How do you feel about being on the "Cc:" list? Did I overreact?